Leadership is a mindset. I reject the notion that people are born leaders. Leadership is an endeavor— a journey that is honed over a lifetime. Anyone can be a leader, and I’ll go as far to say that all of us are leaders. Meaning that…all of us have an impact in this world on every person and every situation we encounter…whether we are conscious of it or not. The world would be a better place if everyone chose to view themselves as a conscious leader. But…THIS IS HARD! The journey of leadership is not easy. It requires continuous digging, digging internally into the self, and digging externally…for solutions, innovation, knowledge and understanding. I think internal digging is the bigger challenge, because some of the realizations you find are hard to face. Those realizations often come in conjunction with breakdowns, and most likely, they come in the form of failures. Boy…talk about a double whammy! The good news is that the flip side of failure is OPPORTUNITY.
Failures are teachers that help us learn about ourselves, and hence grow from the experience. Sometimes personal breakdowns stem from past trauma. Common responses to trauma and pain involve disassociation or downplaying our experience. We say things like “that was nothing compared to what others experience,” or “it happened so long ago; I’m over it.” Through comparison and disassociation, it’s easy to remain in denial and for our pain to give way to shame, guilt, depression, anger, or cynicism (just to name a few). Sometimes, we may not heal properly or fully, and in the absence of healing, we make up disempowering stories or beliefs about ourselves and others. This disrupts connection, one of the most important aspects of being a leader, and simultaneously, the most important aspect of fulfillment.
Hence, these negative associations of self can become barriers on our leadership quest. Those barriers keep us small by perpetrating negative beliefs, self-limiting rules, and fragile self identities influenced by external perceptions. Why is this important to realize?…Because it’s uncomfortable to breakthrough limiting or negative beliefs. It’s common to hold onto them like a warm blank in a storm, but great leaders regularly step out of their comfort zone. They take personal risks, often on a daily basis. This is a vulnerable state to live in; not many people enjoy being vulnerable. In Daring Greatly, Brene Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” So…fair warning…if you are a control freak, that might be something worth looking into, because stepping out of your comfort zone requires letting go. This is where trust comes in. It’s imperative to have trust in yourself, your mission, your team…and dare I say it?…God, the Universe, Cosmic Law, or the Divine…whatever you want to call it…and whatever that is for you. To be a great leader, belief in yourself and trust in others must become the warmth within that gives strength to braving the storm.
Trust and vulnerability are critical items in your toolkit of leadership, but how do we get over our fear of being vulnerable? Focusing on a state of curiosity can help dissipate fear. It’s difficult to remain angry, fearful or hurt while being curious, because the essence of curiosity is within the role of the observer. By being the observer, we can step outside of ourselves and access a variety of perspectives. As the observer, we can ask questions we might not otherwise ask. This is particularly helpful in negotiations or any challenging conversation. Strive to achieve understanding. Keep asking “why?” By taking the perspective of an observer and an eternal learner, who constantly digs, we can shift our focus from self to a goal that’s greater than self. As the saying goes, “it’s not about you.” It’s about something far greater. The next time you feel fear creeping in, ask yourself… “who is it that is afraid?” You might be surprised at what comes up…because there’s your ego, and then there’s who you really are. So don’t be afraid to dig, and if you are afraid, do it anyway. Take small steps…because with each hole you dig, you also plant a seed that will grow and become a magical miracle of a plant in the garden of your life.
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